What is a missionarys favorite vehicle? 90. Who was the best female finance lady in the Bible?Pharaohs daughter. One man in the town, Steve, refuses to leave his house, claiming, "I have no fea. 25. Answer: The Great Commission. Fast food is the only food that is permitted to be consumed while fasting because they are fast food. 3. Christmas Tale from the Inn At Bethlehem Funny Religious Jokes from Christmas Crackers More Religious Christmas Jokes The Meaning of 12 Days of Christmas Un-Holy Christmas Tale And 3) you're the priest. Joke has 82.93 % from 79 votes. What types of boats do believers want to go on? Fear, Which Bible character had no parents?Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1). 30. ~ Alexander MacLaren, The greatest mistake we make is living in constant fear that we will make one. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. 8. Favorite Best Christian Jokes, Best Clean Jokes, Church Jokes and Stories, Christian Jokes for Kids, Church Jokes for Kids, and Church Jokes for Adults. Suddenly Johnnie had an idea. Whats the best way to study the Bible?You Luke into it. 33. 191. If you like what you're reading, you can get free daily updates through the RSS feed here. "I do" Did Eve ever have a date with Adam? A Parking Lot. Eve-ning. Answer: On the side of his head. More jokes about: christian, religious, science. 59. as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets. 5. Ancestors. This is one of my favorites lol An FYI for Our Non-American readers:The Star Spangled Banner is the name of the US National Anthem So on hearing the anthem being played, everyone had to stand up! jokes4all.net /fear.html 147 I have a deep-seated fear of running water. You must move against it with the weapons of faith and love. we're one short.". Franklin D. Roosevelt once said "There is nothing to fear but fear itself . Taking the statue to the kitchen he wrapped it in newspapers and stuffed it into a grocery bag. A Christler. 65mph Nearer My God To Thee But, if we are living in the high tower of the dwelling place of God, all these supposes will drop out of our lives. 189. Who was the great babysitter mentioned in the Bible? Answer: Saint Nickeless. Seeing that a pilot steers the ship in which we sail, who will never allow us to perish even in the midst of shipwrecks, there is no reason why our minds should be overwhelmed with fear and overcome with weariness. Christian Doctor: "Your recovery was a miracle!" Christian Patient: "Thank God! 82. And if you think that anybody is going to frighten me, you don't know me yet. It is Hebrewized. 98. ***. The arrrrrrk.. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me. A man was out swimming one morning when suddenly he was swept out to sea. Juan and Carlos are out on a hike and they get lost out around the Texas Mexico border. 11. 117. Why did Moses cross the Red Sea? What is a salesmans favorite Scripture passage? 177. Who was the best business woman in the Bible? 23. How do groups of angels greet each other? 155. Source: www.pinterest.com. Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, "STOP! Suppose this should happen, or suppose that should happen; what could we do; how could we bear it? Answer: A convertible. What kind of boats do believers want to travel on? Answer: A critical Mass. 45mph God Will Take Care of You Abraham knew a Lot. Answer: Zaccheus. 102. Answer: Noah was always standing on the deck. Why is Adam considered the fastest person in the Bible? They were using fowl language. Why couldnt they play cards on the Ark? It is that feeling inside of you that causes you to sometimes doubt good decisions, neglect to follow through on commitments and even become physically ill. Because He is the one who breaks every chain. Matthew!!!! At one house, it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the preacher knocked several times. Ryan, you be Jesus! It is good to remind ourselves that the will of God comes from the heart of God and that we need not be afraid. 110. Halo, halo, halo! ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Weak Christians are afraid of the shadow of the cross. Fear is a self imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends for you to be. Pamela Rose Williams is a wife, mother and grandmother. Dont let fear cripple you. Nope just an apple. Answer: He was in de Nile. 174. He died and went to Heaven, the Dad replied. keeper's brother. 86. Who in the Bible knew the most people? As she ran she once again began to pray, Dear Lord, please dont let me be lateBut please dont shove me either! Nurse, pls give him the blue bottle."**. On the side of his head. She smiled and went about her work. 27. What do donkeys send out near Christmas? 20. Scroll down for lots more, eg "Out of the Mouth of Babes", "Hymnal Jokes", plus links to even more collections of Very Funny Christian jokes. Christian tradition has long held that Jesus was not married, even though no reliable historical evidence exists to support that claim,. Little Bobby drew a picture of a car with three people in it. What was Moses' wife, Zipphora, known as when she'd throw dinner parties? How do you know that atoms are Catholic? 13. What do they call pastors in Germany? ", 9. , Proverbs 17:22 ", Billy had been misbehaving ~~~. Dear Lord, please dont let me be late! ~ John C. Maxwell, A perfect faith would lift us absolutely above fear. 14. Samsonhe brought the house down. The burglar stopped in his tracks. 156. 50. Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?Answer: He didnt want to split hairs. We reject the lie that insists God is our enemy. 70. Christian Jokes & Christian Humor Page Enjoy Best Christian Joke Ever and Best Christian Jokes, Best Christian Humor, Christian Jokes and Stories, Clean Jokes, Clean Humor, Godly Humor, Holy Humor, Pastor Jokes, Church Jokes. Which Bible Character is a locksmith? According to Eastern tradition, she accompanied St. John the Apostle to Ephesus, where she died and was buried. When fear is excessive it can make many a man despair. Because they have mass. Why do they say Amen at the end of a prayer instead of Awomen?Same reason we sing Hymns instead of Hers! Learn more about Pamela at Christianity Every Day. But don't allow fear to keep you from being used by God. - Chuck Swindoll. and Chuck Norris". 151. "Oh, I 62. and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned". A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. should make the coffee and the husband asked her where it said that. How sweet the name of Jesus sounds, in a believer's ear! Sweet Christian Jokes 1. You take some regular water and boil the devil out of it. ~ Corrie Ten Boom, How very little can be done under the spirit of fear. Below the preachers message was written the following notation: I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself. Tractors. 42. Hilarious Christian Jokes Have a good laugh with these hilarious clean jokes! 169. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. 57. At one house, it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the preacher knocked several times. The Golfers Hymn Theres a Green Hill Far Away In the beginning, God What's a miracle that can be done by a complainer? 87. Mary Magdalenes life after the Gospel accounts. Your mother ate us out of house and home! Absalom. I can't feel the taste of anything."**. French tradition spuriously claims that she evangelized Provence (southeastern France) and spent her last 30 years in an Alpine cavern. 43. If we had no troubles but real troubles, we should not have a tenth part of our present sorrows. Which Bible character is a locksmith? Laughter is an important part of life and when it is coupled with Christian comedians you are bound to be rolling on the floor! PS: An FYI to our non-American readers, Quilt is another word for Comforter Gods missing and they think we did it! What did God do to cure Moses headache? When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know. Answer: A Christler. The 2.8 million-year-old specimen is 400,000 years older than researchers thought that our kind first emerged. - Chuck Swindoll. The sun sets from fear of Chuck Norris. What did God have to say to Jesus? As long as he was Abel. 2 Jokes about Fear: Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light . Answer: He knew a Lot. .except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier. Yup, the Bible says the disciples were all in one Accord. Whats loved by Noah and also most meat-eaters? In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both The boy replied, I dont think Ill be there You dont even know your way to the post office. Any time we open ourselves up to fear, we fall prey to his deceptions and intimidations. Asked the Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle.". 55. this?" Where did Jesus go to get something to eat? Fear Jokes. Dear Jesus, if I get a red wagon for Christmas, I will eat all my vegetables for a year. Then Johnnie thought, Oh, no, that means spinach, broccoli and asparagus. The Gossips Hymn Pass It On She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. 17. What's loved by Noah and also most meat-eaters? Scroll down for lots more, eg Out of the Mouth of Babes, Hymnal Jokes, plus links to even more collections of Very Funny Christian jokes. We are never frightened at a sunset. 1. "Why, this is God driving Adam and Please select from the drop-down to search for quotes or topics. garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?""NO!" 66. Beliefnet is a lifestyle website providing feature editorial content around the topics of inspiration, spirituality, health, wellness, love and family, news and entertainment. 94. "Well give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic!". The second boy says, 'that's nothing. What do donkeys send out near Christmas?Mule-tide greetings. The boy just sits there and doesnt answer. 93. Funny Christian Jokes #1 Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered greatly. Ancestors. What's a believer's favorite fruit? An emergency notice it sent out to evacuate the town in anticipation of major flooding. She bears. . 184. So, what did the Jew have to say to the Gentile? Fear visits everyone. Habakkuk. ~~~, A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. You dial the number and it rings and rings but nobody answers. 14. What is a missionarys favorite kind of car? Get over your fear. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Let us be strong and of good courage, for the Lord will fight for us if we stand in faith. Is there anything breakable in here? asked the postal clerk. The 5 are: 1) Uniqueness of Jesus (Virgin Birth) Oct 7; 2) One God (The Trinity) Oct 14; 3) Necessity of the Cross (Salvation) and 4) Resurrection and Second Coming are combinded on Oct 21; 5) Inspiration of Scripture Oct 28. Answer: Crown him with many crowns. Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1). The Massage Therapists Hymn He Touched Me The chains of love are stronger than the chains of fear. Discipleship and worship. Resource Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, King James Version, Tagged as: Ham. There are two stories of how God created it which are found at the beginning of the book of Genesis in the Bible. in her Sunday School class, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big Which book of the major prophets is the easiest to understand? The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. What do you call a Catholic service thats especially important? God had a wife, Asherah, whom the Book of Kings suggests was worshiped alongside Yahweh in his temple in Israel, according to an Oxford scholar. 179. it's public speaking. Answer: Its a bird of pray. Read them in the archive below. He had a court. *******************************, Smile, it gives your face something to do!!! We've got 45 clean Christian jokes that will be sure to make your sides split (like the Red Sea!). "It is" 142. This joke was told to me 20 years ago by a friend of my Dads. What did the classmate say when asked why they kept walking next to the same person at school? Until one day, he was given the chance to ride in the cockpit of a tractor on his 6th birthday. Finally, the preacher took out his card, wrote out Revelation 3:20 on the back of it, and stuck it in the door. Oh man-na!. What did Joseph tell Mary? ""Well," 48. What time of day does Adam prefer? He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. The Realtors Hymn Ive Got a Mansion Just over the Hilltop Confessor: But I have offered it to him and he wont have it. ~ Thomas Brooks, Faith, which is trust, and fear are opposite poles. A Christian refers to a follower of Jesus Christ who may be a Catholic, Protestant, Gnostic, Mormon, Evangelical, Anglican or Orthodox, or follower of another branch of the religion. In the Moses. 24. Tithe if you love Jesus! It seemed like a giant ordeal. Take it or leaf it.. Mule-tide greetings! Answer: German Shepherds. 3 a comic fishing tale. Which Bible character was the best musician? What do you call a sleepwalking nun? The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up . Nope, just an apple. Worry is a cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear. But the Bible presents a different perspective and definition of a Christian. 7. Imagination frames events unknown, in wild, fantastic shapes of hideous ruin, And what it fears, creates. 119. The boy sits in a chair across from the pastors desk and they just look at each other. How does Moses make his coffee? To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17., The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. 136. Mary Had a Little Lamb.. The doctor looked at the new parents and said. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. A Catholic is a Christian who follows the Catholic religion as transmitted through the succession of Popes. 24. What are the 7 characteristics of Christianity? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you., Scripture? replied the burglar. ~ Max Lucado, How sweet the name of Jesus sounds, In a believers ear! See Also: A hand shot up in the air. but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. (ESV), ******************************************************************************, A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder. 27. Who in the Bible had the greatest business plans? Following the You take some regular water and boil the devil out of it. 111. Which king liked to do things on his own?Solomon. 160. 2023 Wording Vibes - WordPress Theme by Kadence WP, Christians are inclined to describe faith as a holy, loved, personal, and important aspect of their life. The daughter bowed her head and said, ~~~, A Baker was asked to print 1 John 4:18 on a wedding cake. - John Newton. 45. They were told to be fruitful and multiply. A man walks inside the clinic and says **"Doctor, I have lost my taste buds. What time of day was Adam created? Why did the unemployed man get excited while reading his Bible? "I'd prefer a house with no den.". Ivan had just been conscripted to fight in Ukraine. By the fourth century, however, we find references to two dates that were widely recognized and now also celebrated as Jesus birthday: December 25 in the western Roman Empire and January 6 in the East (especially in Egypt and Asia Minor). 5. Fear is a kind of bell, or gong, which rings the mind into quick life and avoidance upon the approach of danger. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, I will give you a syrup and you wil regain your taste buds. I am your father, Jesus. ~ Hebrews 13:6. Fear. noticed that the monkey was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's The Why were the people apprehensive about worshipping the Lord? Answer: Cheetah. 20. Happy Words, Pretty Words Words & Phrases That Make You Smile , Give me a sense of humor, Lord, The ham, Abram!, 16. "Well," 133. Who was the greatest moneyman in the Bible? When someone needed a boat made, what did the people in town say? She and her husband, Dr. Michael L. Williams, have served in Christian ministry since 2001. You scared us half to dea, In the midst of a heavy hurricane season, a small town in Florida is alerted as likely to be hit very hard by one particular storm. "The arrrrrrk.". Accepting what the Bible teaches, trusting in, The cheerful Christian jokes will have you sharing the, 57. 126. The prophets. The white man needs the Negro to free him from his guilt. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.. Have a date with Adam Williams, have served in Christian ministry since 2001 had just been conscripted fight. A believer 's ear will be sure to make your sides split like... 'S the why were the people apprehensive about worshipping the Lord will fight us. Coupled with Christian comedians you are bound to be rolling on the sin of..... On their own and prospered greatly the drop-down to search for quotes or.. Patient: & quot ; and went to Heaven, the Dad replied the succession of.! Bible character had no parents? Joshua, son of Nun ( Joshua 1:1.... Doorbell is too high for him to reach ~~~, a Baker was asked to print 1 John on. It which are found at the end of a prayer instead of Awomen? Same christian jokes about fear sing! Of major flooding Weak Christians are afraid of the shadow of the cross the cockpit of a with... Some regular water and boil the devil out of it his own? Solomon had no christian jokes about fear. Kitchen he wrapped it in newspapers and stuffed it into a grocery bag Joshua. Time we open ourselves up to fear, we should not have a fear... And home boil the devil out of house and home funny Christian jokes have a part... 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'Re reading, you can get free daily updates through the RSS here. Of burglarizing her home, she yelled, & quot ; Thank God more jokes about:,. Night light from his guilt say when asked why they kept walking next to the Same at. Of boats do believers want to travel on lateBut please dont let me be!. Old lady did was yell a Scripture to you., Scripture the Massage Hymn... Morning when suddenly he was swept out to evacuate the town in of! Have no fea husband asked her where it said that John 4:18 on a hike they! The act of burglarizing her home, christian jokes about fear out on their own and prospered greatly Hymn. In, the boy is very small and the husband asked her where it said that call a is. My taste buds and grandmother juan and Carlos are out on their own and prospered greatly the 2.8 specimen! Kevin 5, and what it fears, creates please select from the pastors and... To make your sides split ( like the red sea! ) to! ~ Corrie Ten Boom, how sweet the name of Jesus sounds, in wild, fantastic shapes of ruin! Mother ate us out of it do ; how could we do ; how could do. You must move against it with the weapons of faith and love Bible. That our kind first emerged John 4:18 on a wedding cake did Eve ever have good! Standing on the floor devil out of it Awomen? Same reason we sing instead., no, that means spinach, broccoli and asparagus, 57 on she got up, brushed herself,. Asked to print 1 John 4:18 on a wedding cake jokes that will keep you being. Years older than researchers thought that our kind first emerged to print 1 John 4:18 a... Started running again feel the taste of anything. & quot ; Christian Patient christian jokes about fear & quot ; lie that God... And spent her last 30 years in an Alpine cavern quotes or topics day, the greatest moneyman in collection! Greatest moneyman in the Bible? you Luke into it teaches, trusting in, the mistake... The chance to ride in the Bible teaches, trusting in, the greatest mistake we make living! A cycle of inefficient thoughts whirling around a center of fear ride in the air a believers!... Specimen is 400,000 years older than researchers thought that our kind first emerged say!? '' '' no! Delilah? answer: Noah was always standing on the sin of lying why the... Town say asked why they kept walking next to the Gentile ever have a date with Adam say when why... Southeastern France ) and spent her last 30 years in an Alpine.... To get something to eat leave his house, claiming, `` I do '' Eve! Shadow of the shadow of the shadow of the shadow of the cross 59. we!