Do you think their conversations are too intimate or that they spend too much time talking? Unfortunately, not every ex/new BF situation can be as amicable as ours, but it works because the friendship is so totally platonic for both me and my ex. Once in the past, he had received a text from her and he turned over the phone so I wouldnt notice. And the grade comes in the form of relationship satisfaction. Or do they get upset, annoyed, jealous, or weirdly protective? If hes known her a long time agosay, if shes his first GFthen he might be talking to her not because he misses her, but because he misses his youth. Ahhh, the friends with an ex conversation. Do you have good examples of people who talk to exes? If you find out that your partner met up with their ex secretly even just for coffee it should set off warning bells. Personally and heres where I want to remind you and anyone else reading that this is a column with my advice, and not everything I suggest has to work for everyone I think that attitude is shortsighted, and worse, controlling. View related questions: In this article, I will tell you the possible reasons why men talk to his ex, and what you should do about it. And thats why its a good idea to talk to an experienced relationship coach. Dont focus on the negative. You are absolutely allowed to feel this way about this situation. My wife travels for a living and I can recall at least two times when she wouldnt kiss her sick husband because it might jeopardize her health before a trip. I also want to nod to the fact that there are many, many people who would be much more militant about the scenario, who would absolutely shut that sh*t down and demand that he end the friendship. Now lets say your partner still works with their ex. WebIf your boyfriend has a good relationship with his current ex, that says hopeful things about the kind of relationship you could have with him if you do break up. Knowing your reasons will help you identify the things you should work out on, and the things that you can possibly ask from your BF. Last Updated January 9, 2023, 10:36 am. Look, you dont need to work toward being in love with the fact that hes friends with his ex. Was it a case of two people growing apart? The longer it's been since they split, the better. He was sitting in between us, and when it was time for his favorite band to play, he slapped my thigh and shook it and asked "are you excited??" All of that said, the last thing you want to do is allow negativity, paranoia, or bad feelings to seep into your relationship just because an ex is hanging around the periphery. His Ex was always around his friends and even over at his cousin's house whom she was friends He came up soon after and we talked. We want to nerd out on stuff sometimes. Is it okay to have a guy friend when you have a boyfriend. Its just his nature to try to be friendly with everyone. When I first met her, he came up to her and hugged and spun her and he seemed incredibly happy to see her. WebMy (25F) bf (30M) is best friends with his ex. His ex should at least try to respect your presence. Its healthier that way. If your spouse actually loves spending time with their ex and has a nice relationship with them, it is reasonable to ask to be engaged in this element of their social life, just as you may want to hang out with their other friends. They were best friends for 5 years before they dated, dated for 2 years, stopped talking for 3ish years, and now they're best friends again. However, Im going to have to agree with science on this one. Thats what its like. (It probably wont even take that long.) And that can jeopardize trust. Spouses who remain friends after divorce or separation need to understand that they are not hurting each other by staying connected. Its best to give him some space and not get involved. It says nothing about your boyfriend. look buddy i dont know what your basing your argument on but how about the pay gap between males and femalesare you saying its equal because its not and for your infomation id quite happily be a 50s style house wife where the man has control i prefer a take charge dominant man but hey what would i know, look buddy i dont know what your basing your argument on but how about the pay gap between males and femalesare you saying its equal because its not and for your infomation id quite happily be a 50s style house wife where the man has control i prefer a take charge dominant man but there are lots of cases where things are not equali dont need to wake up i think you need to get your head out of your ass and do some proper research. You guys are going to end up solving this problem together one way or another, whether that happens through a failure to communicate, leading to fights that result in an eventual breakup; or by talking it out, suffering through some boundary trial and error, and ultimately (maybe painfully) finding a solution that satisfies both of you. January 15, 2023, 2:41 pm, by You can literally say to your boyfriend, Hey, I find myself feeling really bad when you go get drinks with Guiliana. Let him have a life separate from you even if it somehow involves interacting with his ex. male He just likes rock climbing and probably still has a strong foundation of friendship with his ex. Machine Gun Kelly has leeches crawl on his stomach: My best friends Machine Gun Kelly touches up Megan Foxs manicure with nail polish collab Machine Please answer my question, Id love to know what you think. Web1) Youll make him feel like crap because his own girlfriend doesnt trust him. and then turned to his left and then did the exact same thing to her. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Natural Liver Detox Strategies: 5 To Try Today! You deserve someone who truly love you and whom you should never have to question their love. Yes he still loves his ex. He is trying to move on, but is struggling because the ex was such a great partner. What this means is you are falling short from the expectations and standards he grew accustomed to with his ex. And theres nothing weird about this at all. We have already broken up because I felt like I couldn't deal with this situation.He tells me that they are just friends, but he has given me no reason to believe it. Im just feeling insecure right now. Regardless of whether an emotion is reasonable or fair, your partner should want to be reassuring and helpful. While it shouldnt be the entire focus of your partnership, if youre with a guy who doesnt , The Smart, Strong, Successful Womans Guide to Understanding Men and Keeping the Right One Hooked Forever. And thats totally understandable. Is it inappropriate for him to have hung on to an ex like this? If you have a man thats untrustworthy, then he shouldnt be your boyfriend. Some restrictions are fine, of course. As I have mentioned before, not everyone has issues talking with their exes. In the beginning I immediately didn't like the idea of it, but I tried to be friends with her anyway because I wasn't sure how their dynamic was and if I should be worried at all. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. One of the hardest jobs as a human is trying to comprehend that other people think and act differently than we do. A: You asked one of the most excellent questions Is this my issue or his? The answer is: its your issue, plural. The truth is that people change and relationships end. Ending a relationship on any terms can be painful, especially when youve invested time and emotional energy. 7 Times It's OK For Your Partner To Be Friends With Their Ex 1. Not your issue and also his issue, but yours together. Besides, you know the power of the friend zone it's real, and usually pretty final. When you hang out, youll notice that you dont pick up on any negativity, either. Extend what trust you can before you talk so that you wont enter the conversation hostile and suspicious and then trust him in full after your talk. But now that youre aware of it, you should definitely work on fixing the issues on your end. For context, she and him were best friends since high school. Share with him how his actions have been making you feel. ok, hunny is that equal to buddy? Imagine your boyfriend asking you to stop talking to someone because you had a thing a long time ago. I dont know what will feel the best, and what does feel the best might change over time. That can be tricky, but it's definitely not time to hit the panic button. I would start by asking your partner about the friendship. Are they relaxed or flustered? by Wanting to be friends keeps you from feeling the full depth of the loss, softening the blow of the breakup, Atwood says, noting that even if you are not sexually attracted to your former partner anymore, you may still crave the emotional intimacy that you two shared. reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): A As cliche as it sounds, focus on whats meaningful. Its hard to be put through this torment, but it is what it is and your boyfriend has every right to be friends with whomever, despite the past. Its easy to see why. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Pick up your phone and text him tactfully to incite interesting conversations. As time passes with your rekindled friendship, try to be naughty with him as you know how to seduce your ex-boyfriend in public. Use common friends to send feelers out to your ex bae that youre still interested. More items If things still seem okay, then there's no need to worry about the friendship. Most important of all is that you try to be transparent with your feelings and communicate with him properly about this so you can find a good compromise. You can get in touch with one such mutual friend and ask him/her to. So how do you feel about this person becoming a part of your circle? But mind how extreme your measures are. But if you still have a suspicion there might be some lingering feelings, ask yourself the following questions to help you decide if your SO is just friends with their ex, or if it's time to worry. Because you have expressed many times how it makes you feel, and he's disregarding it because he doesn't want to feel tied down.. that's pretty selfish. You should, however, ask for what you need. You dont want to force him to cut off his friends just to be with you. If I couldnt be his girlfriend, maybe I could be his best friend. Women also always have to make nothing into a giant nightmare. What can I do? Its also obviously super uncool for your partner to lie. Not everyone has the same qualms with people talking to their exes. But it can also be because hes looking for affection and validation. This is paranoid thinking and it serves you no practical purpose. I have witnessed friends who are part of blended families with their children, the new parents, and their partners, psychotherapist Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW, tells Bustle. We had a blast; the three of us hung out, watched movies, made dinners together, and had deep conversations over beers. It's normal for a partner to be friends with their ex, but it's easy to go too far. Books, videos, and articles such as this can teach us a lot. You said well, if he was single he would. Here is the best way to find your am i over my ex boyfriend information. Friends reach out to each other when they're upset in order to get support. It appears that she is the one more than likely looking for more than just a friend. I should make her burn it because IM insecure that she left him 6 years ago? Me (19F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been together for 1 year and 4 months. Ever. "It's completely fine for them to be friends if they can build this new dynamic.". breakupdatingdating adviceFriendsloverelationship advicerelationships. We stopped dating, for reasons that were unrelated to their friendship. My boyfriend was also sick (with food poisoning) but he avoided me physically. If your BF is the introspective kind of guy who wants to know more about himself, hell definitely want to know the opinions of someone who has been an important part of his life for a whileand one of them is his ex. If you are, then you should already know it's totally possible to turn your former flame into a current BFF. Between the blow to your self-confidence, the often-conflicting advice being thrown at you, and the possibility of your friends figuring it out and gossiping about you this is going to make any attempts you make at fixing your relationship harder. ! And to that I say, why does any friendship form? Or are you alright with him talking with her, so long as he isnt cheating on you? They should want you to feel good! A womans fear of being hurt is one of the main reasons why men disappear. It might be hard, but your best option is really to put your trust in him. "I recently learned, from my boyfriends sister-in-law, that he and my best friend had sex a few days before I met him. Every year, when I dance in Sydney's Mardi Gras You both feel these issues, but because youre both non-confrontational, you refuse to acknowledge them directly. While it is understandable that you might feel jealous or hurt by this information, knowing the reason why your spouse remains friendly with their ex can help resolve the issue.if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'couplespop_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_3',120,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-couplespop_com-medrectangle-3-0'); If you find out that your spouse is still friends with their ex, try not to take it personally. However, they are way too close. Is it okay for my boyfriend to shoot me down? Im sure he likes the attention she gives him as well. reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): A And because they dont have any issues with people talking to their exes, they dont realize that its having an effect on youand wont, until you tell them about it. How selfish would it be for my need for affection to outweigh my wifes need to stay healthy? Once you establish clear boundaries, an ex can remain a part of your life without detracting from your relationship. Does everything seem to remind your partner of their ex? Because even though they no longer have an intimate connection, they might still call her or him out on stuff. To double check whats going on, ask your partner to explain their history, Wang says, as well as what they hope to gain from staying in contact with their ex. as for the modern woman being mans worst nightmare ..so sorry we refused to not be treated as equals and just remain oppressed forever maybe YOU should think about why things had to change. They were friends for a while before they tried out dating for a few months, but he realized they were better as friends and they went back to friendship. According to Psychologists, Staying Friends With Your Ex-Partner is the Worst Idea Ever. Guys can sense it when you are being suspicious and distrustful of them, and if they feel like their efforts at keeping or earning your trust is futile, then they wont be motivated to actually be trustworthy. Theres often a lot of codependency and manipulation, especially if the ex knows just what to say in order to keep your partner on the line. Theres a surprisingly large number of people who think this way. If your partner isn't sweating your ex being just a friend, chances are it's because they know platonic friendship with an ex is possible. Paul Brian Communication is key for a good, functional relationship after all. Love 2. But despite that, he doesnt want to hurt her and he knows that blocking or ignoring her would do that. Slowly, when you come out of the early love bubble, you often start to add people and support systems back in. Another situation thats completely cool: If your partner and their ex broke up years ago, have officially gotten over each other, and have since redefined their relationship so that its back in friendship mode. reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): A He deserves good outlets! WebShould I be worried if my boyfriend is friends with his ex? female reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): A Sounds like they are still caught up, and you should disentangle. It could be that she just keeps reaching out and your boyfriend is way too kind to ignore her and leave her on read. Late night phone calls, asking for help/favors, texting 24/7 these are all signs your partners ex wants them back. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track. Theyre skilled and know exactly what theyre talking about. Resist the temptation. Early in our relationship, he did many favors for her and is always there for her. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, Emily, Top 10 Traits Men In Their 40s Want In A Woman, What To Do With An Emotionally Unavailable Man, When a Guy Doesnt Want to Sleep With You. But it's important to keep in mind that many people stay in touch after a breakup in a respectable and perfectly platonic way. And if hes with you now, trust that theres a reason hes with you, too. January 4, 2023, 9:03 am, by female I was a little jealous, but I just let it go. I personally know some people who would keep spending time with each other over shared interests, even if they have partners. You already have a huge upper hand, however dont let her backhanded comments get to you, even if they are low-key jealousy based. As long as you continue to focus on every day as a way to grow as a person and better partner then everything should happen as it should. After all, whats the purpose of you talking things over if you arent going to try to trust his word? One reader said, I saw on my boyfriends phone that they spoke twice yesterday. You have every right to feel this way. Maybe you want him to tell you every time he sees her, or maybe you decide its better to not hear about it. "In healthy relationships, this should not be a problem.". Its possible that although youre good together, there are issues lurking beneath the surface. 4 Reasons Why Mentally Strong People Attract Toxic People. Is: its your issue, plural that although youre good together, there are issues lurking the... 10:36 am how selfish would it be for my need for affection and validation know exactly what theyre about... Turned over the phone so I wouldnt notice and what does feel the best way find! Of friendship with his ex to comprehend that other people think and act than! 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With him talking with her, or maybe you decide its better to not hear about it okay for need... That although youre good together, there are issues lurking beneath the surface struggling because the ex was such great! Question their love through links on this one then he shouldnt be your.. Him out on stuff you find out that your partner to lie the early love,. Be reassuring and helpful ex 1 still has a strong foundation of friendship his! Systems back in I just let it go and then turned to his left and then the! Good outlets make nothing into a current BFF trust his word in the form relationship... Year and 4 months bf ( 30M ) is best friends with their secretly... Worst idea Ever get upset, annoyed, jealous, or maybe you want him to cut off his just... To tell you every time he sees her, so long as he cheating. Fear of being hurt is one of the main reasons why Mentally strong people Attract people. It appears that she just keeps reaching out and your boyfriend I would start by asking your about!